Let Me Help
by OldieButGoodie
Summary: A short oneshot for Sam and Gadreel. Filled with fluff and angst as Gadreel confronts a hurting Sam. S9.


It all started when Sam's head began to ache. A throbbing, _awful_ ache that persisted and refused to go away. Sam tried pain killers and different types of medicine to try to make it all disappear, yet none seemed to work as his head was numb with pain. He did all of this without Dean becoming aware, sneaking into the cabinets and retrieving the meds. He didn't want his overly protective older brother bitching to him about anything at all. Sam honesty couldn't think of what Dean would get upset about, but he knew it would be something. If Dean even saw Sam downing those meds, he'd flip...

Though, as the hours raged on, Sam locked in his room with his head throbbing, he began to wonder if it was happening again... What if he wasn't fully healed? What if he was dying again? What if the trials were coming back to kill him? Sam tried to wash away these thoughts, but they could barely keep from his clouded mind... He found comfort in trying to lay down and relax, trying to ease the pain. Breathing deeply, he laid on his bed, attempting to calm his pained headache. Though, as hard as he tried, he couldn't quite relax enough, the pain becoming all too great.

That was when Gadreel appeared in his room. Uninvited and without notice.

Sam didn't notice him at first, eyes closed and trying to concentrate on peaceful thoughts... Though, that all ended when Gadreel spoke up.

"Sam, you're in terrible pain."

Sam bolted from his bed at the intruder's voice, hands scrambling for the gun under his pillow. Sam swiftly pulled it out and aimed it at the stranger in his bedroom... Except, this was no stranger. Sam's eyes filled with anger and hatred as he stared at the fallen angel standing before him. His eyes narrowed and his grip on the gun only tightened at the sight of the monster who had possessed him for months. The monster who had lied and tricked, the monster who murdered Kevin.

_The monster who was the reason Sam woke up screaming at night from his nightmares of slaughtering the innocent._

"Sam, believe me when I say this... I am not here to hurt you, I am only here to help." Gadreel spoke softly to him with ease, trying to appear as threat-less as possible.

"Isn't that exactly what you told Dean when you hid inside me for months?" Sam spat, keeping his eyes locked on him as he stood slowly, hoping to avoid a dizzy spell as he stood his ground. "That you were just here to help, when you just helped yourself?!"

Gadreel's expression contorted in slight sadness and guilt, finding bitterness in those memories.

"Sam, believe me, I was healing you, as well as myself. But, I am fully healed now, I have only come at your distress."

Sam eyed him warily as he stepped closer. "Then why help me? If you're not getting anything out of this, then why even come?" he asked, taking a step closer, feeling as if he was close to collapsing from his aching head and blurry vision.

"Because I care about you. You were a human that gave me hope. Hope that maybe Earth wasn't all bad, and not all humans were scum." The sympathy and concern in Gadreel's eyes nearly lead Sam to believe he was telling the truth, but he had seen it all before, believing it was all just another act.

"Gadreel, you need to leave. " Sam said, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes, trying to concentrate before looking back up. "I don't want your help and I don't need you here. "

"Sam, you're in pain... You weren't fully healed, and it's coming back on you now. This pain will worsen, trust me, and let me help." The fallen angel paused before continuing. "I'm only doing this for your well-being."

He stared at Sam with worry ridden eyes, fearful that Sam was about to topple over from the way he was slightly swaying.

Sam looked to him disbelievingly. "I know better than that, you need to leave, I'm tired and I just want to-" he suddenly cut off as he took another step forward and collapsed to his knees. Sam let out a strangled groan as he fell. Though, he only fell to his hands and knees before Gadreel grabbed him and held him up. Sam breathed shallowly, gasping for air as his lungs screamed and his brain pounded against his skull. Gadreel moved forward and stood next to Sam, a hand on his back holding him against his leg and supporting him. The angel couldn't help but barely stroke and rub Sam's back lightly, hoping to provide the smallest bit of comfort to him, as well as attempting to get the Winchester to agree to the healing process.

Sam closed his eyes as he strained and groaned, resting his head against the angel's thigh. That quick comfort ended when Sam regained himself and pushed back against him.

"Let me go!" he snapped at him weakly, eyes flashing with pain and fear as memories of being trapped in his own head resurfaced. Gadreel held Sam against his leg still, gently, but firmly enough to keep the stubborn boy in place. "Sam, I know the pain you're in. You're aching and hurting inside, I know, I felt it when I was in your head. I can help you."

"_Stop saying that!_ I know where you were, and I don't need to be reminded of it!" he spat angrily, shutting his eyes tightly and tried again to move.

Gadreel kept Sam held against him, his strength stronger than that of a human's.

"I don't know how to help you in that sense, though if it provides any consolation, I regret my actions when I was in control of you. I made mistakes, Sam... But haven't we all?"

Sam softened a bit at that before his lips thinned "We make mistakes, but you blatantly used me. " he said, trying to ignore how comforting his embrace felt. "Please, just go." he signed, his words less harsh this time as he wiggled away, stopping when he felt his throat constrict and he began coughing hard, small droplets of blood leaving his throat. Gadreel saddened at the sight, hating to see Sam in such pain. He knelt next to him, wary concern embedded deep in his expression.

Sam's hands came to his mouth as he coughed, feeling his throat burning from the sensation. When he pulled his hands back, crimson blood soaked and dripped from them. He breathed deeply, fearing for what was happening to him...

Gadreel only knelt next to him, glancing to Sam's eyes, looking for any sign of further pain or perhaps acceptance to the healing. Sam wheezed as he attempted to catch his breath "What could you even do?" he said, voice weak and quiet. "I'm damned anyway."

"Damned doesn't mean you can't be healed. Sam, not all of the fallen angels are out to kill you. I never meant to hurt anyone in the first place..."

Sam laughed bitterly at that. "Really? Then why did you kill Kevin?!" Sam's words were like embers as he spat, anger lashing from his tongue.

Gadreel sighed deeply, pain inflicted in his eyes. "I was only following orders, Sam. I only wanted to be accepted. "

The fallen angel glanced up at the Winchester slowly, voice becoming soft, and words becoming meaningful. "I know what it feels like to be cast out, to be blamed harshly for my mistakes. I know what it's like being the 'freak'."

Those words seemed to hit close to home for Sam, making all his memories of his childhood come back on him. Always being the reject at school. Being that weird kid in that weird family. Being The Boy With Demon Blood, and always having his name being related to "The Boy that let Lucifer free." Being the _abomination_. Having everything he's done wrong always used against him in arguments and making him sore with humility and guilt. Sam could have sworn he felt tears welling up in his eyes as his emotions skyrocketed. Though, maybe that was from the pain constricting his his throat, head, and chest.

Gadreel watched in amazement as all of Sam's feelings were shown clearly in his expression, and in moments, the Winchester's eyes started to water. Sam's face contorted in both physical and emotional pain as he dipped forward and fell smoothly into Gadreel, having lost balance and any will he had left in keeping up this fight. Gadreel caught him, bringing him close in an embrace against his chest, finding his own comfort as he took this as Sam's way of agreeing to the healing. Slowly, Gadreel started the process, his vessel glowing in a white-blue light. The glow swallowed up Sam entirely, filling into the deep depths of his broken, tattered soul and mind. He felt something warm inside him, a mending and bonding of ribbons upon ribbons of his shredded will to live.

As the process slowly came to a stop and the glowing started to fade, a few, quiet words escaped from Sam's mouth, words that Gadreel was just barely able to hear before disappearing. Those words brought a thin smile upon the fallen angel's lips, Sam's simple, "_Thank you." _bringing him peace that he had restored his broken, little, human.


End file.
